So, let me get this straight, if I use Color on my iPhone, I can take pictures and share them with random people that I don’t know who happen to be within 100 feet of me. What? Oh wait, there’s more. I can also view pictures taken by strangers using Color as long as they are within 100 feet of me. Right. And this app received $41 million in pre-launch funding?
What the fuck is going on around here?!?!?
Hold on a second. Maybe I’m missing something. Let’s see what TechCrunch has to say, maybe they can clear things up for me with an example as to how someone would actually use this:
“Say you walk into a restaurant with twenty people in it. You sit down at a table with four friends, and start chatting. Then one of your friends pulls out their phone, fires up Color, and takes a snapshot of you and your buddies.
That photo is now public to anyone within around 100 feet of the place it was taken. So if anyone else in the restaurant fires up Color, they’ll see the photograph listed in a stream alongside other photos that have recently been taken in the vicinity.”
I see, perhaps they can elaborate on the benefits of actually doing this, let’s find out:
“In a crowded area these streams of photos will get noisy, so Color also has some grouping features. Tell it which four people you’re eating with, and Color will create a temporal group with a stream of just the photos you and your buddies have taken. But here’s the twist: because everything on the service is public, you can also swipe to view other groups, to see what the tables next to you are snapping photos of. And you can always jump to the main stream, which shows a mishmash of photos taken by everyone.”
I see. The company has a term for this 100 foot “social network,” they call it the “elastic network.” I have a term for it as well, I call it “fucking retarded.” That’s right, I said retarded! Let’s think about why this is app is retarded for a minute. Here are some mind-blowingly obvious reasons why:
1.) I don’t give a shit what some dickhead 20 feet away from me is taking a picture of. “But, but…maybe he ordered something interesting and you can see it from his picture stream.” This is an actual argument someone made in favor of this crap. Are you shitting me?
2.) I don’t want complete strangers in my business. They don’t need to see the picture I take of my friends or the appetizer I ordered (not that I’m even taking stupid ass pictures like this)
3.) Even if points 1 and 2 were not true, even if I did want to partake in the “elastic network,” in order for it to be even remotely worthwhile, a monstrous number of people would need to be using Color at all times wherever I went. It’s completely useless as an App if you go to a bar / restaurant / park / wherever and no one else is using it.
4.) If I want to share photos with friends, I’ll do it on Facebook or Photo Bucket or some such shit.
5.) If I really want to be a trendy asshole about it, I’ll use Instagram (another questionable app) and share photos there and follow other users whose photos I enjoy. Oh, and if I do that, I won’t have to be within 100 feet of them to discover the photos and they won’t be taking photos in the same place I am.
6.) Even if I am to ignore points 1 – 5, how the fuck is this shit worth funding for $41 million? Is there a feature they haven’t revealed? Does it give me a blowjob? Does it actually print fucking money? What’s that? Oh, it doesn’t so get the fuck out of here with that shit.
Let me be clear, I understand that in a business of any kind, and especially in a start-up, products and strategies will change to adjust to the market place. Companies that succeed understand what the market wants and shifts their strategies and products to better serve those needs. But in the case of Color, I just don’t see the point. People are already arguing that “advertisers can put pictures into the stream,” and that’s great and all, but really, what’s the point? I mean, seriously. Companies are already managing Facebook pages, Twitter handles, YouTube accounts, and a whole load of other social crap, why would they add this? And why the hell would they add this when pictures only show up in a 100 foot radius. You can see whatever the fuck is in the pictures just by opening your eyes and looking around, for God’s sake.
The creators can use as much technobabble and buzz word bullshit as they like, but it’s still a flawed product based on a flawed and over-thought concept of what it means to socialize and interact with the world around you. I don’t go out with friends to take pictures and spend my time looking at pictures of strangers. I go out to have fun, socialize, talk, drink, whatever. To actually interact with people in the real world like a real person and I don’t need an app for that.
And finally, even if you disagree with everything I’ve said here, if you think it’s a great idea that will make a shit-ton of money and is worth the $41 million or more…is this really what we’ve come to? Not to get all high-and-mighty and what not, but is this really the kind of shit America is going to be pumping out? Are there really not better uses for this kind of money than some shitty voyeuristic iPhone app? What a disgrace.
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